I don’t believe in the rainbow bridge. I hope that Kip is out there, somewhere, doing something a heck of a lot more interesting than waiting for me by some bridge. Maybe he’s dancing on the stars, or he’s existing in some alternate reality where he gets to be some other type of entity, something I cannot even imagine. I like to think maybe he looks in on me once in a while… hopefully with fond memories.

My husband and I are going to take Lucy in to the vet next Tuesday and get her an ultrasound. They will put her under and examine her whole body. They didn’t see a tumor in the xrays they took, just spots on her lungs. Lots of them. Even my husband could tell. Of course there is a small chance that it’s just some sort of lung infection… but the vet is pretty sure it’s cancer. Hopefully we’ll get an idea of what the progress of the cancer will be, and how long she will have to live. Gads, what an awful thought.

And so, I am trying to prepare myself. I don’t know how to feel happy about other things in life, while being devastated about Lucy’s cancer. I have tried to appreciate every day I have with all the dogs, because I know too well how short the years are. I have never had anyone close to me die, with the exception of Kip. And I was in a bad place when he went so I didn’t even see his signs of age.

With Lucy, I am in a good place in life which, I hope, will help me to cope with this. I am happy to still have her here. I am thrilled that I got to spend the time with her that I have.. and am. I am happy about the other dogs, my relationship with my husband, my job and my friends… so it’s a parfait of emotions that I’m going to have to learn how to live with.

Not something I ever wanted to experience, but knew, eventually, I would have to.