Well I was going to do some more training with Jet this weekend but then I got sick. My stomach really hurts. It’s not like I’m nauseous, but my stomach just aches. But then I do tend to seem to get sick after a few hard weeks of dog sports. After I retire it’ll be nice when I can rest during the week instead of having to pack work into the week. Oh well. it’s supposed to snow today anyway,… Continue reading
It’s been a month since Levi died, I still miss him terribly, and it’s interesting to watch how our pack dynamics have changed. We only have four dogs now, down from our high of seven. Four dogs is like having hardly any dogs at all. The biggest change I think has been Chase. He’s the oldest now (8.5 years), and he has space issues with dogs he doesn’t know. He will attack without warning when we go out and he’s… Continue reading
Well it was my first time ever in any type of Utility type ring last weekend. Chase was in Graduate Open, one of the new non-regular AKC obedience classes. It was really fun, even though I messed him up a bit on Saturday. He still took the wrong jump on the directed jumping so would have NQ even without me. 
He’s a dork, and he does that every now and then. Leftover from agility when he’d just blow me off, I’m sure. Here’s Saturday’s Video. I don’t have Sunday.
He was a good boy. He actually performed about what I expected. We are super close to getting a Grad Open Q I think. Maybe I’ll buy myself some netbook computers when he gets a title… or even a leg, for that matter. I don’t do as much obedience as I do agility. And I hesitate putting him into an obedience trial when there is agility at the same place, he may lose his silly mind.
I’m back from Colorado Springs and the Denise Fenzi Seminar. Wow. I got a ton of information and was able to video some of Jet working, too. Jet was a good boy. Silly goof that he is, he’s a clown, and people can’t help just loving him. I just adore him too. Denise is one of the very few purely positive, motivational competition obedience trainers in the entire country. As a few of us sat around at dinner, we came… Continue reading
Well, I’m going to do it. We have a three day AKC obedience trial the end of March. I’m not going to do all three days, since I have to work Friday, and I’m taking off most of that week already for a Denise Fenzi seminar in Colorado Springs. But anyway… my obedience instructor reminded me of the new non-reg obedience classes, especially Graduate Open. And so… I entered Chase on Saturday and Sunday. I’m nervous! It’s all like Utility… Continue reading
Yeah, I’m going to be taking a break from flyball for a while. Until I retire. Which is one year, 7 months, and some odd days away. I feel bad for Chase, because flyball is his most favorite thing. And while I do enjoy it, I just can’t do as much as I’ve been doing lately. So flyball is the thing that’s going to go. I have 29 agility days planned with Jet in 2012. And he’s doing really well.… Continue reading
Well, it’s time for Jumps N Jackpots, the biggest Flyball Tournament around here for the year. Should be fun. Chase and Jet are both start dogs on their teams. I do love being start dog, even though I really don’t know why. Makes me feel important, I guess… LOL, even though other positions are just as important, if not more so. I wonder if there will be any pop displays at the tournament. Sometimes there are some limited vendors, which is nice, I like to shop for dog stuff.
This video is from practice last week. A team mate was running Chase, as we wanted to make sure the dogs had recent experience running beside another team.
The boys really do love it. Though it takes a lot of time for me to do flyball, so I’m not sure if I’m going to be able to continue with it next year. Especially since Jet is doing so well in agility, and I’ll probably be focusing on him and getting a MACH. That’s my life goal, get a MACH on a dog. Hopefully he’ll be the one!
Oh, and Levi is doing lots better, yay! He’s recovered from his latest fall and he’s walking fine, jumping off and on the bed. Hopefully he’s not going to die anytime soon.. dang I still worry. 
My Family
So when a dog does, a part of me dies. Even though at the same time a part of the dog lives on inside of me. Still, I feel empty and hollow and I don’t know how to deal with it. Since I don’t really have an after-life belief system, either, I’m not sure where they go, though I do have my ideas.
Anyway, where I’m going with this is that all my life I’ve really avoided getting close to people. I’ve had trust issues with people. Haven’t really trusted those who were trustworthy in the past, instead I’ve trusted those who were not trustworthy. Though I think that I’ve changed in that regard now, it’s still hard for me to get close to fellow humans. It’s always been easier for me to get close to dogs. And so the main support network I have in my life is that of my very short-lived dogs.
And so when they leave me, I’m pretty crushed. Though now I’m at a place in my life where I can finally trust people more, get close to people more, which is a good thing. And most of my life I’ve really denied the thought that I need people, and dogs, to rely on as close friends and family.
And I’m so worried about Levi. He’ll be 12 in just about a month. And sometimes I think that my entire world of sanity is balanced on his life. Which is way too much to ask any creature to endure, I know. Even though he gets extra attention now, which he really loves.
So I guess where I’m getting to with this is that today I had some sore of revelation. That it’s natural to love these creatures in our lives. And it’s so sad when they have to leave us. It’s just a natural part of life and it’s okay to love completely. I’ve avoided loving completely, because it means that when the object of your love is gone, then live is just about over and being crushed and miserable sets in. But it’s okay to have both, isn’t it? To love completely and still go on living. It’s natural and normal. Guess it took me a long time to realize this. But I have always loved my dogs completely, without reservation, unconditionally, just as they love me. They are so much easier than humans. So very much easier to love and live with.
I’ve been sick the last few days and feeling pretty rotten. I know it’s a combination of having too many losses, stress, catching some nasty cold, and also this underlying virus that I think I carry with me all the time. It all adds up, dangit. But today, or at least right now, I can look at our little graveyard of ashes in our cabinet that I have set up, and find a little bit more peace. At least for a while.
So I have to get back to the normal aspects of life. Missing those I’ve lost. Settling into a new life with the ones who are still alive. Maybe I’m a nut, I dunno. Maybe I just need a Steripen Adventurer Opti water filter to keep myself healthy… oh, and I joined Weight Watchers, to drop these awful pounds I’ve put on in the last couple of years. Still gotta take care of myself, eat healthy, and love completely the family I have with me still. And try to come to realize it’s okay to love completely, as well as lose completely. And still be okay.
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