Just some fun pictures from when we went to the dog park last weekend. I love the park after a fresh snow, when the sky is perfectly blue. I love that color of blue. Only Tatum and Jet went. I’m still not taking Levi. I don’t know, his park days may be over… we’ll see. But every day he seems a little bit worse. His poor old body just can’t repair itself anymore. Makes me very, very sad. Why not… Continue reading
Well Levi seems to be doing okay. I watch him like a hawk, I’m sure I’m super paranoid. I haven’t taken him to the park in a couple of weeks. The last time he went, it really went slow, and I think it took him a day or two to recover. He wasn’t in a lot of pain, but he was tired. So we’ve been sticking to walks around the block. He’ll go about 3/4 of a mile before he… Continue reading
Jet and Tatum
I’ve been taking it easy the last weeks, which is nice, no dog sports. Well, I did do some Cyber Rally-O with Jet that was pretty fun. I’ll have to post about that next time. Otherwise, I’ve been spending time with family and friends and taking the dogs to the park, going on some walks, and taking it easy. Been really nice. I wish I could have more time like this to just live. Oh I’ve been working, too, but that goes without saying. And in only another week, I’ll be able to say “I can retire next year…” oh that’ll be nice. I can retire in 2013, so I’m looking forward to that!
I haven’t been taking Levi to the park, though, just Jet and Tatum. I miss taking Levi. He still isn’t back to normal quite yet. I’ve been taking him on walks around the block, a mile or so, to work him back up to the park. But I think maybe next weekend he’ll be coming with again. His back still hurts. Maybe he needs a discectomy to help his back, but maybe not. He’s been getting a little better every day. And he’s being rather obnoxious at home which is a sign the’s feeling good. So that’s a good thing. I am realizing approaching EOL, which we say with software… (End Of Life), but as long as he’s happy and doing well, I’m happy with him too. He’s not going to keel over dead tomorrow or anything.
January will bring another agility trial. Maybe Jet and I can pick up another Double Q. We haven’t done agility in a couple months, now, but that’s okay. I think we will both remember how.
Fortunately Levi is doing a lot better. What a weight off my shoulders. I didn’t even realize how upset and worried and terrified I was last week, until now that I know he’s better. I do worry that he is getting old. I know he’s going to get old. I know there’s nothing that can be done for it. No way to avoid it. I feel like Connor MacLeod on Highlander. He lives 1,000 years and the people he loves… Continue reading
Levi Loves Parties
They had a great time. Levi spent most of the evening going from person to person begging like a goof. Then guarding the chew toys from the other dogs. All his favorite things. Jet and Tatum also had fun. Levi, however, well, Sunday, he was miserable. His back hurt a lot again. 
He was walking with a roach back and a limp. And at night he was in so much pain he was shaking. My heart just broke that I caused him so much pain. It was my fault, since it’s my responsibility to keep him safe and healthy.
Over the next few days he did better only slowly. I worried like crazy. Fortunately, today, Friday, six days later, he’s better. He was getting better yesterday, too. He’s been on Tramadol for the pain. We stopped the rimadyl on Tuesday, thinking we may have to go to the big guns and use steroids. Today we took him into the vet and they gave him a steroid shot, which should help him feel better. He’s 12, it’s a balance between keeping him healthy and keeping him comfortable. He’s also on adequan, duralactin, glucosamine, and he’s going to start acupuncture next Monday. I’m doing everything I can think of for my boy.
So no more parties for Levi. Just a week ago he was going to the park with me, Jet and Tatum and we’d walk for a mile and three quarters. So we just have to work back up to that slowly. I worry about my old by. I know I have to be happy he’s 12 and has had a good long life, but Levi is my heart dog, and loosing him… I just don’t even want to think about it.
Happy 12 Levi!
He’s been licking his bum, too, but he came back okay about that, too. He doesn’t do it enough that he’s red or raw. The vet said maybe he’s cleaning his own anal sacks. Which I guess is fine, though kinda gross. 
So he’s now on adequan and rimadyl. I know rimadyl can be bad long term, but he needs some help with his arthritis. He’s also on duralactin and glucosamine. I still want to get him some acupuncture, too. And the other dogs are not allowed to push him over, or he spends the day on the memory foam toppers on the bed and sleeps. Because he gets sore. My poor baby boy. I just adore him.
Here’s a video of him doing agility from back in 2008. His weaves never were good. Maybe his back always did bug him, I don’t know. I hope not. But I didn’t force him, I just tried to make them happy. He did so good at agility, except for the weaves.
He loves his birthday pizza, so do the rest of the dogs!
Levi's Birthday Pizza
At CampW
I’m also going to look into getting him acupuncture on a regular basis. Unfortunately my schedule is really messy right now, since we are transitioning to five day work weeks, but at the same time I have time off the next couple of weekends because of flyball and then agility. But I’m going to make the time for my Levi, as he means the world to me and I want to give him everything I possibly can to make him feel better.
Levi did so good at camp… but really he is fine, if he’s not pushed over, if his back isn’t twisted. That’s where his pain comes from. The arthritic bridge in his spine. He’s my heart and soul, this boy. I wish he could live as long as me. He’ll be twelve in just under a month. He still has to have some good years ahead of him. I’m thinking of looking into Reiki as well.
Maybe the cooler weather will help him, maybe it will hurt him, I’m not sure. Fortunately we don’t have any metal buildings around to keep the cold in, if that’d make him worse. My boy… I want him to get better. Even though I realize he is on the downward slide of his life now.
My Family
So when a dog does, a part of me dies. Even though at the same time a part of the dog lives on inside of me. Still, I feel empty and hollow and I don’t know how to deal with it. Since I don’t really have an after-life belief system, either, I’m not sure where they go, though I do have my ideas.
Anyway, where I’m going with this is that all my life I’ve really avoided getting close to people. I’ve had trust issues with people. Haven’t really trusted those who were trustworthy in the past, instead I’ve trusted those who were not trustworthy. Though I think that I’ve changed in that regard now, it’s still hard for me to get close to fellow humans. It’s always been easier for me to get close to dogs. And so the main support network I have in my life is that of my very short-lived dogs.
And so when they leave me, I’m pretty crushed. Though now I’m at a place in my life where I can finally trust people more, get close to people more, which is a good thing. And most of my life I’ve really denied the thought that I need people, and dogs, to rely on as close friends and family.
And I’m so worried about Levi. He’ll be 12 in just about a month. And sometimes I think that my entire world of sanity is balanced on his life. Which is way too much to ask any creature to endure, I know. Even though he gets extra attention now, which he really loves.
So I guess where I’m getting to with this is that today I had some sore of revelation. That it’s natural to love these creatures in our lives. And it’s so sad when they have to leave us. It’s just a natural part of life and it’s okay to love completely. I’ve avoided loving completely, because it means that when the object of your love is gone, then live is just about over and being crushed and miserable sets in. But it’s okay to have both, isn’t it? To love completely and still go on living. It’s natural and normal. Guess it took me a long time to realize this. But I have always loved my dogs completely, without reservation, unconditionally, just as they love me. They are so much easier than humans. So very much easier to love and live with.
I’ve been sick the last few days and feeling pretty rotten. I know it’s a combination of having too many losses, stress, catching some nasty cold, and also this underlying virus that I think I carry with me all the time. It all adds up, dangit. But today, or at least right now, I can look at our little graveyard of ashes in our cabinet that I have set up, and find a little bit more peace. At least for a while.
So I have to get back to the normal aspects of life. Missing those I’ve lost. Settling into a new life with the ones who are still alive. Maybe I’m a nut, I dunno. Maybe I just need a Steripen Adventurer Opti water filter to keep myself healthy… oh, and I joined Weight Watchers, to drop these awful pounds I’ve put on in the last couple of years. Still gotta take care of myself, eat healthy, and love completely the family I have with me still. And try to come to realize it’s okay to love completely, as well as lose completely. And still be okay.
| Join the DSFUSA email list for dog webinars, for all breeds and mixes!! |
