Just some fun pictures from when we went to the dog park last weekend. I love the park after a fresh snow, when the sky is perfectly blue. I love that color of blue.

Only Tatum and Jet went. I’m still not taking Levi. I don’t know, his park days may be over… we’ll see. But every day he seems a little bit worse. His poor old body just can’t repair itself anymore. Makes me very, very sad.

Tatum

Tatum and Jet

Blue Skies

Tatum and Jet

Playing

Why not take Muffit or Chase? Well, Chase isn’t dog friendly at all. He’s actually pretty dog aggressive. And Muffit goes hiking with my husband so much, that I don’t take him out myself. He’s my husband’s hiking companion.

Jet and Tatum

I’ve been taking it easy the last weeks, which is nice, no dog sports. Well, I did do some Cyber Rally-O with Jet that was pretty fun. I’ll have to post about that next time. Otherwise, I’ve been spending time with family and friends and taking the dogs to the park, going on some walks, and taking it easy. Been really nice. I wish I could have more time like this to just live. Oh I’ve been working, too, but that goes without saying. And in only another week, I’ll be able to say “I can retire next year…” oh that’ll be nice. I can retire in 2013, so I’m looking forward to that!

I haven’t been taking Levi to the park, though, just Jet and Tatum. I miss taking Levi. He still isn’t back to normal quite yet. I’ve been taking him on walks around the block, a mile or so, to work him back up to the park. But I think maybe next weekend he’ll be coming with again. His back still hurts. Maybe he needs a discectomy to help his back, but maybe not. He’s been getting a little better every day. And he’s being rather obnoxious at home which is a sign the’s feeling good. So that’s a good thing. I am realizing approaching EOL, which we say with software… (End Of Life), but as long as he’s happy and doing well, I’m happy with him too. He’s not going to keel over dead tomorrow or anything.

January will bring another agility trial. Maybe Jet and I can pick up another Double Q. We haven’t done agility in a couple months, now, but that’s okay. I think we will both remember how.

Tatum At Dog Camp

She’s special because she is very timid when I take her outside, but she recovers really fast when she’s at home. She bosses the boys around, but what girl doesn’t? She growls at the other dogs if they get too close to her on the bed or on the couch. She’s a bit full of herself sometimes, and at other times she likes to be on her own.

Tatum is hard to quantify, really. She loves to do agility training, though at trials she’s not so sure. She doesn’t like people all that much, but she likes us okay, and will nip at us in her herding collie way to get us to play. And the louder we squeal, the more she likes it. I couldn’t place her in a home where, if she nipped, they would punish her or think she was doing a bad thing. Her nipping is for play, and she needs people who understand that, even it hurts!

She needs someone who understands her growling, too. It’s not aggression at all, it’s just that ‘stop touching me’ thing that even human kids do. She’s very picky with food, but she loves Tuna! She needed someone to build up her confidence and help her to accept people as good things, and as part of her life.

She’s not a dog that could be put in just any old home and be expected to adapt. She needed to understand people rules, in a good way, to build her confidence and help her live a happy life.

Some dogs are special and need special homes. When I met Tatum, I fell in love with her. I was afraid no one else would really understand her. And so we kept her. And we understand her. And we just adore her to pieces.

Tatum

Pretty Tatum

My Family

So when a dog does, a part of me dies. Even though at the same time a part of the dog lives on inside of me. Still, I feel empty and hollow and I don’t know how to deal with it. Since I don’t really have an after-life belief system, either, I’m not sure where they go, though I do have my ideas.

Anyway, where I’m going with this is that all my life I’ve really avoided getting close to people. I’ve had trust issues with people. Haven’t really trusted those who were trustworthy in the past, instead I’ve trusted those who were not trustworthy. Though I think that I’ve changed in that regard now, it’s still hard for me to get close to fellow humans. It’s always been easier for me to get close to dogs. And so the main support network I have in my life is that of my very short-lived dogs.

And so when they leave me, I’m pretty crushed. Though now I’m at a place in my life where I can finally trust people more, get close to people more, which is a good thing. And most of my life I’ve really denied the thought that I need people, and dogs, to rely on as close friends and family.

And I’m so worried about Levi. He’ll be 12 in just about a month. And sometimes I think that my entire world of sanity is balanced on his life. Which is way too much to ask any creature to endure, I know. Even though he gets extra attention now, which he really loves.

So I guess where I’m getting to with this is that today I had some sore of revelation. That it’s natural to love these creatures in our lives. And it’s so sad when they have to leave us. It’s just a natural part of life and it’s okay to love completely. I’ve avoided loving completely, because it means that when the object of your love is gone, then live is just about over and being crushed and miserable sets in. But it’s okay to have both, isn’t it? To love completely and still go on living. It’s natural and normal. Guess it took me a long time to realize this. But I have always loved my dogs completely, without reservation, unconditionally, just as they love me. They are so much easier than humans. So very much easier to love and live with.

I’ve been sick the last few days and feeling pretty rotten. I know it’s a combination of having too many losses, stress, catching some nasty cold, and also this underlying virus that I think I carry with me all the time. It all adds up, dangit. But today, or at least right now, I can look at our little graveyard of ashes in our cabinet that I have set up, and find a little bit more peace. At least for a while.

So I have to get back to the normal aspects of life. Missing those I’ve lost. Settling into a new life with the ones who are still alive. Maybe I’m a nut, I dunno. Maybe I just need a Steripen Adventurer Opti water filter to keep myself healthy… oh, and I joined Weight Watchers, to drop these awful pounds I’ve put on in the last couple of years. Still gotta take care of myself, eat healthy, and love completely the family I have with me still. And try to come to realize it’s okay to love completely, as well as lose completely. And still be okay.

Wow… where did the time go! I was planning on posting every day, but didn’t end up having time. I do have pictures loaded from every day on my Picasa Web Album. To see all my pictures from the whole week, you can visit my Picasa Web Album. There will be more from this afternoon too.

Anyway, here are some highlights.

I’ve been posting more on Facebook, so you can friend me there if you want to see more.

We are having a blast at camp. What can I say. Tatum and Jet ran so much this morning that they are pooped dead tired. LOL. As I am writing this Tatum is on the bed with the boys and she is growling because she is tired.

This morning we went on a little hike/walk around the camp and down to the beach. It was about all Levi could do, and once we got to the beach he laid on the sand and took it easy. He’s doing a lot better than I thought he would do. He’s hanging in there on the walks, and his rear and back look just fine. He’s not slipping much when he walks.

Jet is also doing well. This afternoon he pooped, and it was small and fairly solid. So I think he’s doing fine coming out of the sedation. He’s also sleeping, and he went swimming, and is having a great time. Camp is just dog heaven.

Here are some pictures of our adventures today:

The Beach

Jet Swimming

Handsome Jet

In the Shade

Sleeping on the Beds

I have more pictures posted on Facebook if you look there. I’m tired and I think it’s time for a nap! Maybe I should have brought some lincoln ls custom floor mats for the cabin, as I’m getting lots of sand in here, and I need to sweep it out.

I’m sharing the cabin with one other lady, and she has a Chi. So there’s plenty of room for me and my three kids. Camp is awesome, so much fun, I wish I could come here more than once every four years!

Levi, Jet, Tatum

I had all planned to take Tatum and Jet to the dog park this morning to get them nice and tired for the long five or six hour drive. Well woke up and Jet’s right eye was all weepy and he kept blinking it. So I told my husband. My husband likes to take them to the vet more, he’s more careful than I am. Usually I would just put some drops in his eye and call it good.

Well I took him to the vet, mainly because of Aaron’s opinion, and also because we are going off for a whole week and I want Jet to be healthy. The vet put the orange dye in Jet’s eyes and saw a big ugly ulcer on his right eye. Bleh! So it’s very good I didn’t put in the eye drops that we have that have the steroids in them. Those are bad bad bad for an eye cut or injury! The vet got a big q-tip and tried to see if there was something still in his eye, but couldn’t find anything because Jet wouldn’t let her. So she asked if she could sedate him… and I don’t usually like sedation, Jet has never been sedated, but if I said no, I’d just have worried all week about something being in his eye. So I said yes and Jet went groggy.

She poked around in his eye but didn’t find anything. So I guess that’s good. But then, of course, he had to perk up out of the sedation. Since having just lost Lucy, Jet being sedated really freaked me out. So we stayed at the vet’s in the lobby for about a half hour until he was ready to walk around and be a bit better. Then I took him home and he was wobbly and groggy, but I figured what the heck, we should still be off to camp.

So I packed up the three pups and off we went. Just before Wendover, Nevada, Jet’s nose and eyes started having a dark green, weird, discharge. Not like an infection, I know what that looks like, and it was different. More like food coloring or something. I called my husband, and he said maybe the orange of the eye dye combined with some normal yellow color and was being removed by Jet’s body. So yeah, I figured that’s probably it… an we kept on going through Nevada.

It was a long drive, and I stopped a lot to let the dogs out, and check on Jet. So we got to Winnemucca late. But we are doing okay, Jet is mostly perked back up and playing with Tatum. Levi has to bark at those two when they play, which makes it tough in the hotel. LOL but now it’s 7:30 pm and they have all settled down. They have to get some zoomies out after being cooped up in the van for so long.

Of course I ate too many chocolate chip cookies on the drive, and chips, so I could use some weight loss pills. I always do that when I’m driving, which I shouldn’t. Ugh.

So anyway, we are resting in the hotel now. We have to be at camp by 3pm tomorrow. I’ll try to get some pictures on my good camera, not just my phone like these. But the drive tomorrow should go pretty quick, I hope, and then we’ll be at Camp Winnaribbun!

Jet Buckled In

Trip Meeter

Tatum and Jet

Levi has been before, but Tatum and Jet haven’t. I’m leaving Chase home this time because he’s a bit grumpy with other dogs. Tatum is going to LOVE camp, she’ll be in doggie heaven with all the other dogs there. Jet is going to have fun, too. Levi and me will take it easy and sit on the beach while the young kids play.

I’ll bring my video camera and my DSLR, maybe a bluetooth barcode scanner for when I hit the stores for some shopping.

I hope to blog while I’m there, we’ll see how it goes. That reminds me, I need to clean off my hard drive on my Mac and spare up some room for pictures and video.

I’m still hurting a lot about Lucy, but maybe camp will help me recover a bit. I do hope so.