Well, with the return of Muffit and the addition of Tatum to our pack, we now have six dogs. And so our days of fostering are over. Well.. if not over, at least we won’t be able to take any more fosters until our pack gets smaller. Which means when a couple of our dogs die.

And… really, I’m actually quite done with fostering. I am tired of seeing the poor dogs come into our house and being so needed, underweight, broken, and sad.

So without being able to take fosters, I’m not sure what we can do. We have not foster homes that work with Utah Collie Rescue, and so we really can’t take any collies at this time.

I’m not sure if I should close down UCR completely, or let the bank accounts hand around if they are needed? Hrm. Stress… I feel bad, but I do have to accept our limits.

Everything goes in Tatum’s mouth. In the wild this would not only be normal, it would be necessary for survival. She is curious about everything and checks everything out. She’s already destroyed one of our couch cover bed sheets (they were fairly cheap, and really that’s why we get them cheap because of the dogs) and the pushes things around with her nose and grabs onto everything she can.

In the wild this would be a part of her learning experiences. So why not harness this wonderful gift and channel it into things we can both be proud of in this human world we are living in? Like maybe picking up and putting away toys. I want her to always have positive experiences with everything. (yeah sounds more and more like I’m keeping her, huh. ).

If we had a Chrysler, she’d even chew up the Chrysler 300 accessories. She hasn’t chewed up my car yet, but I haven’t left her alone in it yet, either.

Sammy is a good boy and gets along with other dogs. I screwed up and introduced them too fast. Entirely my fault. My brain is still mush from the trial. I guess we all make mistakes. Though I do think dogs can get around that with time and work.

So now I’m stressed and have to go utilize Luna Tail, my anxiety blog, to work out my emotions about it all. :p

And one of my friends, coming from an agility trial, brought her dogs. Raygen is the sweetest cattle dog ever. Not heard of a sweet cattle dog? Well, he is. He’s mostly white with some red mottling. Very cute. And she’s clicker trained him to sneeze on cue. It’s the cutest darn thing. She captured it with the clicker. She’s awesome at clicker training.

So it was a fun party. It’s dinner time for the dogs now, Lucy is bringing me toys, means she really wants to eat!

Maybe I’ll make it more anxiety/life related. Hrm.. that might actually be a really good idea.

So, now to think of a good domain name and get it fixed up….

It was cold today, mid to low 40s. Just how Levi likes it. The standard was first, early, 8:30 AMish. His jumpers run was early afternoon, 1 PMish. We ran just as it started to rain. Sprinkling. He Q’d and he got to eat a whole bag of treats. I moved him to Excellent B for tomorrow. So now, if we double Q, it’ll actually count! LOL we’ll see how it goes!

After his run it rained fairly good for open and novice. I stayed to help as most people wanted to go. But I was having a good time. It was raining and my rain coat got drenched, but it was a light fun run with no wind, and it wasn’t too cold. And I really think my anxiety is lessening. I’m making friends, meeting people, and just standing and talking to people that I get along with is still amazing to me. Maybe one day it will be normal, but so far, it’s just amazing. As is being in Excellent with Levi.

Levi also did good in Rally. 75 out of 100. 70 is a Q. He was a goof. He didn’t do his back-up next to me. And on the easy three-steps-back station where he is in the front position, he decided to lay down and bark at me. So we didn’t get that station either. But I just kept going because he was being cute and in a good mood. And then we must have lost 5 more points for other out of position things which is fine. I’ll take the Q. If he Q’s tomorrow in Rally Excellent, that’ll be 3 legs and his RE title.

Levi is such a sweet, fun, amazing boy to work with. Chase came too, and we did some work around the rings and focusing on me. It was wet though, so we didn’t do too much. Hopefully Sunday we’ll have more time since Levi is not in Rally on Sunday.

Woo Hoo! Levi got his AJP! Now, 10 standard legs for the MXP, and 10 JWW legs for that MJP. And then, maybe we can get 20 double Qs for a PAX. We will try!

Which just got me to thinking. I am going through a lot of anxiety right now in my life. I’ve suffered from Social Anxiety since I was a wee tot. I’m better now than I was, I’ve worked through a lot of crap in my life, and I’ve come to this point to work through the latest and most pressing issue I now have, which is my SA. It affects my personal life, though right now it mostly affects my work.

I’ve always kept things very light on my blog. And I do love blogging about my dogs the most, and dog training. I like to keep a record of my dogs’ training progress. But I could also blog about my SA and how I am working my way through it. I don’t, because… well, LOL, because I have SA! And for another couple of reasons.

One, because I don’t want anyone to be hurt by what I write. Honesty is good, yes, but really I don’t actually know how far to go with things. It’s a skill I don’t know very well. I don’t want to hurt feelings. Two, I don’t want to post about work and get in trouble for it. I’m worried that my friends, family, and coworkers might come here and find out things that would surprise them. If I can’t tell them in real life, should I post it on my blog?

I have posted about my PMS here, which is fine. But it’s not as personal as a mental health issue like Anxiety. I know I know… from my codependent past, always wanting to please everyone else and not offend anyone, I learned that I should be able to be completely honest about myself, and my true friends will still like me. But I always worry about that.

Anyway, posting about anxiety might be more interesting than just light hearted stuff. I guess I need to find a balance. And Balance is something I’ve not been very good at in my life.

*sigh* so, new things to learn. Always new things to learn…

So, with the help of the wonderful sheltie rescue people, I’m going to help out with collie rescue. I built a little website, Utah Collie Rescue. Let me know what you think.

We have Cheyenne, but he’s still through the Utah Sheltie Rescue. And there is another smooth sable boy who needs a home. With Barbara’s help, he now has a foster home. So I’m getting my feet wet. And then see how it goes.

I cannot house them all, unfortunately, though I wish I could. And I cannot go into debt for them. I do have to take care of myself first, to be able to take care of them. This will entail learning how to say no, and learning how to set my boundaries, and learning how to deal with my Social Anxiety with the people. It will be a stretch for me, but I think a good one. I think I’m ready for this.