Having A Hard Time

Parley's Nature Preserve

Well, it’s been a week and a half since Lucy passed away.  And I am having one heck of a bad time getting over losing her.  I don’t think I had this hard a time when Angel died. However, the husband reminds me that back then I was on Zoloft for anxiety.  And that numbed all my emotions. And I went off that a year ago, because of side effects I didn’t like, and so now I get to feel the full slam of all my stupid emotions all the time.  It sucks.  But, I guess that’s just life.  I just wasn’t ready to let her go.

Also, I’ve been just looking past too much, wondering where all the years have gone. I’m so worried about Levi, too, now, though my rational mind thinks he is doing pretty good. I’m taking him to a holistic type doctor to see if she can help him stay strong as long as possible, too. The regular vets are fine, but usually just give you the typical rymadil and narcotics and steroids for things.  Hopefully this other vet will give him a bit of extra.

Levi is my heart dog. I really hope he lives 2 more years. I can retire in Aug 2013.  Because I know that I’ll be a wreck when Levi dies, and if I have to actually perform at work, I really, honestly don’t know if I’ll be able to for a while.  I don’t handle death, or extreme emotions, very well at all.  Ugh. I feel like I’ve been bleeding all over the internet and Facebook, so I’ve been making a huge effort not to whine and cry about her too much. I did find a great website, Pet Loss, where people can go and brood over lost pets. I have been chatting online there, which has helped me a bit, I think.

Today I took Levi, Tatum and Jet to Parley’s Nature Preserve. It’s the only off leash park I like to go to. Our round-trip walk was 1.75 miles, I measured it with my phone. I also lost my fitbit… which is my fancy pedometer. That sucks, since it was $99 and I really can’t afford another one. Oh well, I guess I just can’t see how many steps I take anymore. Things are just things, anyway. What really matters is my family and friends.  Both groups include my dogs. I realized that years ago when Lucy and Levi were very young and chewed many things up. After a while, I just stopped really caring about the things, and caring about the dogs.  🙂

Below are some more pictures. I am taking many more pictures of Levi, now, because I don’t have enough of Angel or Lucy. I have a ton of Jet, though. LOL. He is just so darn photogenic.

Running at the Park
Tatum and Levi
Jet in the Water

I stopped on the way home and got some yarn so I can knit some dark black socks. I’ve been having a bit of a knitting bug lately. I didn’t get any kmart coupons, though. I like the local yarn store, what a fun place that would be to work when I retire.

One thought on “Having A Hard Time”

  1. There’s no time limit on loss, grief, and sorrow. A week and a half is not a long time at all. I think that the depth that we feel sorrow when a person or a beloved pet dies, is in direct proportion to the amount we loved them. The more we loved them, the harder it is to face life without them and the deeper the grief. Go easy on yourself and grieve as much and as often as you need to. I know it’s hard not to worry about Levi, but enjoying everyday with him and the other dogs is a good thing to be doing. Even though Duffy is only 3, when I think of the day he won’t be here, I start crying and I know I will be so terribly heartbroken when his time comes (and I pray it’s not for a long time) that I don’t know how I will get through those days. So I can totally sympathize with what you are going through, and I’m sure many, many others do as well. You’re not alone in feeling the way you do, that’s for sure.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *