New Spring

Bleeding Hearts
Bleeding Hearts
Well life goes on. I’m still having a hard time getting through the days. Been hiding it well, though, I think. I’m actually really weird, I’m either totally a mess and too much in pain to even feel it, or I’m kinda numb, or I’m actually better than I have been with the other dogs. Or all three. I just don’t know, it’s really weird.

I miss Levi with all my heart. I never wanted to post about Levi dying. How can Levi be gone? He was my heart dog… I do think Jet is becoming a heart dog too, but right now I just miss Levi. I miss his woofing at the top of the fridge for bones. I miss the weight of him pushed up against me at night in bed. I miss lifting him into the car. I just miss everything about him. He was such a good baby boy.

I am still thinking about a puppy. I did want a girl collie puppy, but now I’m thinking boy. I just love the boy energy and the boy goofiness in the collies. I know I will never replace Levi. He will always be one of a kind. I just would like some boy collie energy again. Tatum is doing well at holding up the girl part of the pack. She sure has attitude. I think she misses Levi too, more than the other dogs. She’s been more shy and upset lately. Jet seems oblivious. And the border collies… they don’t seem to mind one way or the other. But Tatum seems upset.

It’s too weird only having four dogs. The house seems very empty.

5 thoughts on “New Spring”

  1. I understand your pain and loss I pray that you might find some comfort in knowing that Levi is with you whenever you remember happier days. My deepest sympathy. I wrote this when I lost my Bernese Mountain Dog Otto ;


    There’s a hole at my feet,
    It used to be filled by my friend
    He’d lie there and wait ‘til I tried to step over,
    Then stand and watch me contend.
    There’s a hole at my feet where he
    should be. 

    There’s a hole at my elbow,
    It used to be filled by his nose
    He’d wait and he’d wait then just as I ate
    He’d knock me and soil my clothes
    There’s a hole at my elbow where
    he should be.

    There’s a hole in my heart,
    It used to be filled with his love
    He’d lie down beside me just for a hug
    And cover me up like some black furry rug
    There’s a hole in my heart where
    he should be. 

    There’s a hole in my mind,
    Which is filled with my friend
    He lies there and waits ‘til I step over,
    And then we’ll be whole and happy and free
    And roam in the heavens just him
    and me. 

    John Carré Buchanan

    Dedicated to Otto my beloved Bernese Mountain Dog

  2. It almost feels cruel when you lose something you love so much and you see life going on-but I am glad you are still hanging in there and it sounds like feeling a little bit better.  To have such a huge place in your heart Levi had to be a really special guy and sounds like he would be happy to know you are doing ok.  Glad to see you blogging ;-).  Give your puppies a hug for me!!!

    1. Thanks Kathy… Levi did have a huge place in my heart, and also in the house.  He had a very big presence. The house will never be the same.

  3. Those of us that have loved our dogs, know your pain.  For me it helped to write about Deacon, which still makes me a little misty eyed.  The pain was real, the emotions raw, but writing helped me.  Sending thank you’s to those that stopped by to give us support, helped as well.  It helped to get Sherman, he filled the hole in our pack.  Sherman is different in so many ways from my Collie Ambassador.  He is not nearly so mischevious.  Sherman is a very good Collie boy though, and he does make me smile when he licks my face.

    Dog Speed,

    Dog Dad

    1. Thanks for your kind words, Dog Dad.  🙂  I still have trouble dealing with Levi being gone, and it’s hard for me to talk about it still. I’m on the verge of tears all the time.  I’m glad Sherman gives you licks too, sweet boy he is.  

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