Getting Ready for CampW

Tatum and Jet
Well, a week from tomorrow I’m taking three of the dogs and we are headed to Camp Winnaribbun. We went in 2006 and again in 2007, and had a really good time. I’ve wanted to go back for some years but haven’t really been able to afford it monetarily, or time wise. But I got the money together this year somehow and I’m taking Levi, Jet, and Tatum.

Levi has been before, but Tatum and Jet haven’t. I’m leaving Chase home this time because he’s a bit grumpy with other dogs. Tatum is going to LOVE camp, she’ll be in doggie heaven with all the other dogs there. Jet is going to have fun, too. Levi and me will take it easy and sit on the beach while the young kids play.

I’ll bring my video camera and my DSLR, maybe a bluetooth barcode scanner for when I hit the stores for some shopping.

I hope to blog while I’m there, we’ll see how it goes. That reminds me, I need to clean off my hard drive on my Mac and spare up some room for pictures and video. 🙂

I’m still hurting a lot about Lucy, but maybe camp will help me recover a bit. I do hope so.

Having A Hard Time

Parley's Nature Preserve

Well, it’s been a week and a half since Lucy passed away.  And I am having one heck of a bad time getting over losing her.  I don’t think I had this hard a time when Angel died. However, the husband reminds me that back then I was on Zoloft for anxiety.  And that numbed all my emotions. And I went off that a year ago, because of side effects I didn’t like, and so now I get to feel the full slam of all my stupid emotions all the time.  It sucks.  But, I guess that’s just life.  I just wasn’t ready to let her go.

Also, I’ve been just looking past too much, wondering where all the years have gone. I’m so worried about Levi, too, now, though my rational mind thinks he is doing pretty good. I’m taking him to a holistic type doctor to see if she can help him stay strong as long as possible, too. The regular vets are fine, but usually just give you the typical rymadil and narcotics and steroids for things.  Hopefully this other vet will give him a bit of extra.

Levi is my heart dog. I really hope he lives 2 more years. I can retire in Aug 2013.  Because I know that I’ll be a wreck when Levi dies, and if I have to actually perform at work, I really, honestly don’t know if I’ll be able to for a while.  I don’t handle death, or extreme emotions, very well at all.  Ugh. I feel like I’ve been bleeding all over the internet and Facebook, so I’ve been making a huge effort not to whine and cry about her too much. I did find a great website, Pet Loss, where people can go and brood over lost pets. I have been chatting online there, which has helped me a bit, I think.

Today I took Levi, Tatum and Jet to Parley’s Nature Preserve. It’s the only off leash park I like to go to. Our round-trip walk was 1.75 miles, I measured it with my phone. I also lost my fitbit… which is my fancy pedometer. That sucks, since it was $99 and I really can’t afford another one. Oh well, I guess I just can’t see how many steps I take anymore. Things are just things, anyway. What really matters is my family and friends.  Both groups include my dogs. I realized that years ago when Lucy and Levi were very young and chewed many things up. After a while, I just stopped really caring about the things, and caring about the dogs.  🙂

Below are some more pictures. I am taking many more pictures of Levi, now, because I don’t have enough of Angel or Lucy. I have a ton of Jet, though. LOL. He is just so darn photogenic.

Running at the Park
Tatum and Levi
Jet in the Water

I stopped on the way home and got some yarn so I can knit some dark black socks. I’ve been having a bit of a knitting bug lately. I didn’t get any kmart coupons, though. I like the local yarn store, what a fun place that would be to work when I retire.

A Trip to the Desert

It’s strange, still, to only have five dogs now. It’s actually been strange to have had only six. Since Angel passed on in May 2010, I still kept trying to count for seven dogs. I hadn’t gotten used to six. And now I’m going to have to count for five dogs only.

Yeah, my husband and I would count dogs to make sure we had them all around. Home safe. Not getting out or running amok.

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I think I am coming to terms with losing Lucy. I’m still very sad, and last night cried again in bed before I went to sleep. I miss her so much. I wish that I could have put her in a bed, given her meds, and kept her around like I would have kept a person around. But dogs don’t work that way… and seriously, it’d be nice if we could put people out of their misery, too. Lucy was miserable. It was her time to go. I just still miss her so much.

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Today we took a trip to the desert to let the dogs run. It was a short trip. Long drive, about 45 minutes, and it was too hot to let the dogs run for too long. But they did have fun.   Levi isn’t very strong anymore and can’t go very far. I sure hope he’s okay when we go to camp.  I will take it slow for him, give him what he needs, and sit around on the beach of Lake Tahoe all day if we need too.  Which, really, won’t make me sad at all, sitting on the beach all day!

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I am trying out a new gallery, too, so above are the thumbnails. Though I’m not quite so sure how it works, yet, and I may just add the images individually too.

Lucy is Gone

Lucy's 12th Birthday
Lucy is gone. We let her go yesterday, Wednesday, August 3, 2011, at 8:30 in the morning. Looking at this picture of her, which was taken just this last February on her 12th birthday, I realize how much she had deteriorated just in the last week. But even before that, she was already in pain. She couldn’t stand on her feet anymore, on her pads, like other dogs can. Her feet were all folded over and she’d almost be standing on her hocks. It was like gravity was just pulling her down and down and she no longer had the strength to fight it and stand up straight. But at the same time she couldn’t be comfortable laying down, either. She’d just stand and pant.

Though she still wanted to eat, and she was still stubborn to the last day. She never let anything really get her down. I think she was going on pure stubbornness there at the end.

My husband is really the one who realized it was time to let her go. I was fighting it… like I fought and denied Kip, back in 2000, needed to go. Kip died on his own in our back yard, but he wasn’t even as bad as Lucy had gotten. Or Angel, back in May 2010. Tuesday night, I was crying and crying and just didn’t want to let Lucy go, and Aaron told me about his Mom, and how he thought she was in pain before she died, and he didn’t want Lucy to be in pain too. And that made me realize that it was Lucy’s time. Aaron has been a rock for me, so good to me about it all. He’s hurting too, but he is so amazing, I’m lucky to have him in my life.

But yesterday I was a mess, and had some Rum, to numb the pain a little bit. It actually helped. And I had donuts and pizza, too, because that’s a good diet for greif, I think. 🙂 Even though I realize it was Lucy’s time to go, I still miss her terribly, and this is going to take me a while to get through, I think. I am giving myself the time. Because I have to care for myself too, now, I think. And the dogs that are still alive.

The rest of the dogs seem to not really notice. Jet and Tatum, Muffit and Chase are the same. Levi might seem a bit off. Levi came with, to make sure he knew Lucy was gone. There was a time Levi was more bonded to Lucy than he was to me. But after I started doing agility with Levi, he bonded to me more. But still, she was his big sister and he loved her. So I don’t know if he understands or not, but hopefully somehow he does. Maybe we just have a lot of dogs, but the ones that stay alive don’t seem to really be affected when one leaves. And Lucy was not herself anymore, she was not a big presences anymore, and so she just kinda faded away.

I am heart broken, also, because losing Lucy is like the end of an era. She was the oldest. She was the cornerstone of the blue pack. I realized that I have broken the dogs into two packs. Lucy, Levi and Angel, the smooth blue collies we have had the longest. Then the other pack, Chase, Muffit, Tatum and Jet. I don’t know why, maybe I just categorize things. But now, of the blue pack, we only have Levi left, and when he goes, I may just have a nervous break down and have to go into the hospital, I will be so miserable.

Also, Lucy was 12 years old. How can 12 years have gone by so quickly? Did I do enough with her? I did some agility, but she didn’t like it. I did some obedience, she got her CD and her RA. But then she started to limp, back in 2006, and none of the doctors could figure out why. Maybe we didn’t do enough to keep her healthy. I just don’t know. I hope she had a good life. I will worry about that for a long time.

So anyway, she’s gone, and my heart is broken. I am still crying a lot, and probably will for a long while. I love you Lucy. I will miss you forever.

Bad Things and Good Things

Lucy, Levi and Angel 2002
I’m being all sentimental lately. Freaked out, entirely, that time is going by so fast and my dogs are dying. And, it looks like, the cat too. Littles. She’s in kidney failure and we will probably put her down next week, but we can only deal with one animal’s death at a time.

Lucy’s death day is Wednesday. I made the appointment. At this moment I’m not crying, but in five minutes I might be again. I’ve been going through old pictures looking at Lucy, Levi and Angel. Angel left us in May 2010. I am so upset that time goes by so fast. The next thing I know, 10 years will have passed and Lucy will have been gone for 10 years… just like Kip has been gone for 11 years now. Oh my, not good things to think about, eh? I remember thinking, years ago, as I lay on my bed one day, that I had all three young healthy dogs… Lucy, Levi and Angel. And now Angel is gone, Lucy is going, and Levi better be around for a couple more years or I’ll have a nervous breakdown.

About the picture, our front room no longer looks like that. That was when we had carpet (see the stains, lol), and the couch upstairs. Now we have tile and the couch and TV are downstairs. Though we might move them back up again so Levi doesn’t have to do the stairs. He’s getting too old for stairs and it seems to bother him sometimes. Levi is 11.5.

I always worry about forgetting the dogs too much after they die. But yesterday I realized that, even if my memory is poor and I don’t remember all the little details, I will never forget them with my heart. And I’ll always remember how they feel inside me. As they will always be with me in a way. Even as they take a big chunk of my heart with them.

I don’t usually combine different topics in one post but I have to temper Lucy’s pending death with a good note about Jet and agility. I looked him up on the AKC website today, and his AX and AXJ show, and so do his MACH points. Yay! I love that the AKC lets us see those online for free. I’ll post the pictures here below. My first MACH points with any dog, ever.

Below is a picture of our front room after we remodeled it, but there’s nice pictures up now. I just wanted a pic of the 3 smooth blue collies, and my husband is there too. Lucy is, of course, on the table. She always stood on the table to block our view of the TV when she wanted attention. LOL

Lucy on the Table

And here is Jet’s AX and AXJ. Oh, and I almost forgot to mention, as it’s kinda a side note that I hope will happen in December 2012. But as it stands now, Jet has qualified for the AKC Agility Invitationals. So as long as 5 other Danish-Swedish Farmdogs don’t start doing AKC Agility and beat us out, we should be able to go. I sure hope so. But… I do want to go and be competitive, and not just go because we are the only dog of our breed who qualified. Though if that’s how we get in, I’ll take it, and I won’t complain! LOL

Jet's AKC Titles To Date

Jet’s qualification to the AKC Agility Invitationals:

Danish-Swedish Farmdog AKC Agility Invitationals
Jet AKC Invitationals