Angel is Gone

We let Angel go this morning. The vet thinks she may have had a brain tumor. Her right eye no longer worked as of yesterday… she couldn’t open or close it, you could just see the red of her third eyelid. And she was pacing in circles. She wasn’t in a good place anymore.

I slept all day after we let her got his morning. It’s my way to avoid emotions. Now I eat because I think I should, not because I’m hungry. And drink for the same reason. I know we’ll get through this, but it’s not going to be very easy.

My husband came with as we let her go. He is a wonderful man and he cried with me.

Emotionally Drained

Ugh. So Angel still isn’t doing well. We took her back to the vet yesterday just to see what they recommended. We did some more blood work. It came back just fine. She’s not eating much at all now, only a few bites of food once or twice a day. She’s dropping weight really fast and she’s getting so very light now.

Angel and Chase April 2005

She has a fever of 104.7, which is really high. About 101 is normal. The vet gave us some antibiotics to see if they will help. But her white blood cell count is normal. So in a way her body is fighting something off. In another way it’s not.

So she is really going downhill fast. We cried at the vet a little yesterday. I cried coming home from work today. Right now Angel is on my bed with me and we are snuggling. We have to let her go soon. She is just old. We don’t want her to go, we are very sad. But we don’t want her to be in pain, either.

This is a cute picture of her and Chase playing tug. She didn’t play tug much with Chase, but she did love to play and have me chase her around when she had toys and socks. Now she just sleeps all the time. I love her so much, this makes me very, very sad.

And I’ve eaten too much sugar tonight, ignoring the quick weight loss tips, because when I’m stressed I either don’t eat, or I eat junk. Bleh. I’m just an idiot. Oh well. Angel, I love you so very much.

Not Ready To Let Go Of Angel Yet

Angel in February 2006

Okay, I can’t do it. I think my husband would probably follow my lead if I said that we have to make the decision to let Angel go. But I can’t. Despite my sore knees from carrying her up and down the stairs for the last couple of weeks… she’s eating again, as long as she has good smelly stuff in her food. And she potties okay outside. And I’ve been giving her water from a water bottle with a rubbery tip. It works really well. She gets more water that way than she does trying to get it out of the bucket or any stone sinks, but we only have water buckets set up for the dogs.

The night before last I had her on the bed with me, and she did well. She slept most of the night and only woke me up twice to potty and get some water.  Once at midnight and once at 5:30 am.  5:30 am is my normal time to get up anyway.  But since it was the weekend I went back to bed.

Last night, however, she didn’t do as good. I put her on my bed and she struggled to get up. I don’t want her falling off, so I’m glad that it’s hard for her to stand up on the bed, she wakes me up easily.  So I got up with her about 3 times between 9pm and midnight.  And she still wouldn’t settle. I took her potty and gave her water too. She didn’t poop though… so, thinking I really had to get some sleep so I could work today, I turned her out of the bedroom and closed the door. I felt really bad. I left the dog door open and she had many dog beds to chose from. I hope she chose one and not the tile floor.  But then again maybe she’s hot and the cool tile feels better for her.

This morning when I woke up there was quite a bit of urine on the tile. Mostly clear.  Did I say earlier that she did test positive for a very minor bladder infection? The vet said they wouldn’t normally treat such a minor infection in a younger dog, but since she’s so old, we are treating it with antibiotics once a day.  So maybe the pills will help.  She also had a high Bilirubin in her blood test… the vet said high normal. Otherwise her bloodwork was all good, kidneys and liver fine. Hrmph.

So we are going day by day and seeing how she is. I just wish she would let us a sleep a bit better at night. She seems to sleep most of the day, but then she fusses at night. Poor girl.  I adore her, I want her to be comfortable. I don’t think she has much quality of life… but she’s not in pain, and she does get happy. My husband took her for a walk yesterday…. she went 2 houses then laid down. He had to carry her home. But she had happy look on her face, and that’s what matters.

Angel Might Leave Us Soon

Pumpkin Pie

This is our girl Angel. We got her in March of 2002. We didn’t know how old she was, since she was found in the shelter by the local lady doing rescue at the time. Collie rescue. The shelter didn’t know she was a smooth blue collie. We saw her and had to have her, because we already had two smooth blue collies and needed a third.

Yes, we needed a third! 🙂 We love her to death. But she is getting very old now, and as the days go by she is getting worse bit by bit. She’s very unsteady on her feet. She hasn’t eaten much the last few days and has lost 3 pounds in the last week. She is having a hard time finding the water in the water bowl too. She doesn’t seem to be in pain, but she doesn’t seem to have much of a quality of life anymore, either.

So the husband and I are talking about whether or not it’s time to let her go. It breaks my heart. I will miss her, but I don’t want her to suffer, and I don’t like seeing her wobble so much, and have a hard time drinking and eating. She deserves better than that.

This picture was taken on the 25th of April, Jet’s birthday. And she was a lot spunkier then than she is even now, only a week or so later. My poor baby girl. She’s my pumpkin pie girl, and I really hate having to make this decision.

Angel’s Teeth

So Angel is probably about 14 years old or so. She’s a rescue so we are not sure, but she’s really acting old lately. Probably the last six months or so. She doesn’t move fast anywhere at all… she’s very slow, she can’t go up the stairs anymore, and she’s just an old girl.

Friday she had her teeth cleaned.  I didn’t really want to have it done, I know the anesthesia can be really hard on the old dogs.  But it was pretty important to get it done. Her teeth were bad, her gums were bleeding in some places, and so it was worth the risk.

It took her a while to come out of the anesthesia, and all yesterday she had a hard time drinking. She would put her mouth too far over the water bucket so she was off the other end, away from her body, like she didn’t have the depth perception to get her aim right.  Today she is better, but we have been giving her water from a water bottle in her mouth so that she gets enough water.  And it seems to me like she’s not quite back up where she was before they put her under.

I don’t know how much longer she’ll be with us.  I love our little Angel, who came to us with a broken leg. She was found in the shelter by a lady doing collie rescue at the time. The shelter didn’t know she was a collie. She’s a smooth blue collie, so she’s not the typical rough sable like Lassie.  But she’s all collie, she acts like it.  She is very sweet and shy, though she’s come a long way since we got her and she would tuck her tail every time she went in the front yard. Her leg was so badly broken that the vet had to rebreak it and reset it to it’d heal right, and she’s always had a limp because of it.  But she’s a good tough girl and we love her like crazy.

We hope she’ll be okay, but we also know that our beloved fur kids will not live as long as we do. So we are making her happy and keeping her well as long as we can.